is right around the corner! My fantasy football league draft is this Thursday…and it got me thinking… (Even our savior can’t decide if he wants Brain Westbrook as the #4 running back) What if the idea of people guessing/gambling on the measured output/efforts of professionals reaches new industries besides sports? Fantasy Cashier-Where speed, accuracy, and […]

Called me the other night…he thought I was Domino’s Pizza… (1954 high school senior John McCain has the look of “I’ll respect you Betty, but I also might call you a c*nt. **Wink**) After I told him it wasn’t a pizza place, he apologized profusely, asked for my vote in this November election, and placed […]

God! Seven gold metals. Seven! Now he’s going for a record eight today! (Michael Phelps explains to young Bridgette she shouldn’t fear drowning as much as the membership & locker fees) I’m pretty sure he can bend metal, eat fatty foods without gaining a pound, measure things by sight and be perfectly accurate, do laundry […]

The year was 2000. It was on every radio station on every corner of the planet. The Baha Men performed it and the song was “Who Let The Dogs Out”. You know, you remember, your ears still bleed from pain… (Clearly they’re not happy someone “let the dogs out” either) After 8 long years of […]

Baby Jesus in a toupee! (Our lord & savior is shocked with the low low prices at Manny’s Wig & Baby Toupee Emporium) Sorry, just trying new reaction lines when someone says something shocking in the work place. Here are a few you can try, let me know how they go over… Hitler’s mustache! Well […]

The actor Shelley Malil from the 40 Year-old Virgin stabbed someone… “Who is that?” you ask… Well he’s this guy… (His freaking coat costs more than my entire waredrobe!) So this guy, who played the manager of the SmartTech electronics store…stabbed his ex-girlfriend 20+ times. You heard me right, 20+ times! “Why?”, you ask. Whelp, […]

Take one helium balloon, three squirrel-like rodents, $3.99 in the bargain bin, and what do you get? (Theodore’s packing a glock) Alvin and the Chipmunks the movie! You know if you have kids, or a younger niece/nephew, or friends who have kids, chances are you’ve had to watch this by default, and probably like me, […]

I’ll tell you what…NOT getting spammed… (Fake ham comes from fake pigs) Holy fucktrain batman! How far have I fallen on societies scale when total strangers who will send anything to anyone to get them to buy it stop trying with me? You know, the kind of people who’d try to sell female hygiene products […]

(The only way to fly) Is the gassy guy sitting three rows ahead dropping monster, tear inducing, ass-goblins the entire trip then having the great fortune of getting off the plane before me… You know; so I can bask his musky butt funk a few more moments… When the flight attendant walks up and asks, […]

Does your car love you? Nope. Do you think it knows your sacrifices on passing up tickets to see the Molly Hatchet Reunion Tour? No. Does it ever thank you? No. What does it do for you then besides get you from A to B and cost money? Well, the back seats a great place […]