It’s national Hug A Turd Week, or HATW… (Find a nice firm one without nuts and squeeze) If someone says, “Yeah, I saw Tyler Perry’s The Family That Preys this weekend and it was awesome!”… Hug that turd When people say, “Despite the rising unemployment, gas prices, inflation, severely weakened US dollar, Wall Street financial […]

This was the puzzle on last Fridays show… (They’re going for a totally different audience now-a-days) Fey nailed it! For those of you who didn’t see this weekends SNL “cold open”, it was solid saucy satire. Poehler was Hillary Clinton, and Tina Fey played newly propped up GOP VP hopeful Sarah Palin. This was the […]

Cool! Here you go… (Three balls are better than two) Oh, and please don’t put them in your mouth… (Save room for dessert) Like my stupid neighbors dog did. They get teeth marks, and I really need to play with them this afternoon… Thanks! Ike was bad. Hope you’re ok Texas…

The 80’s hair band Winger? (They spent $92,097 a day in hair product) They had a hit called “She’s only 17”…which makes her around 37 today…just sayin’… Palin gets “Charlie Gibsoned” It’s a new term in our vernacular. To be “Palined”, means to “be calculatingly propped up for an important position while possessing vastly limited […]

Here it comes… At the office: “Before my presentation on green Geothermal gaskets, I’d like to dedicate this power point presentation to 9/11 and will set my slides to Toby Keith’s Courtesy of The Red, White, and Blue(The angry American song). Slide one…nitrile rubber…” (Fact: with a flag guitar, I love America more than you!) […]

“The filmmakers even manage to turn seamy Bangkok into the least exotic setting imaginable. F-” -Entertainment Weekly “This is as stale as Tuesday’s Phad Thai…” -Orlando Sentinel “Bankgok Ridiculous” is more like it.” -Kansas City Star (I shoot gun. It go bang-kok!) Wow, when you somehow offend the Kansas City Star fancy film-making sensibilities, that […]

Don Gorske of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin is a “Big Mac enthusiast” who has eaten over 23,000 Big Mac hamburgers in his lifetime. He’s been in the films Super Size Me, Don Gorske: Mac Daddy, and even won a place in the 2005 Guinness Book of Records. Luckily we have a file photo of him: […]

Ever heard of a little movie called “Can’t Stop the Music”? Consider yourself lucky. It’s an 80’s film that stars Bruce Jenner, Valerie Perrine(Eve Teschmacer from the Superman movies), Steve Guttenburg, and…the Village people! (Yes you can. Hit “stop”) It’s as if someone actually shit on celliod for 124 minutes…and I’ve seen a lot! There’s […]

(It’s painful, slow, and very out of date) I heard the term “The steaks simply couldn’t be any higher” every two seconds from the podium. All I thought was, “Why are two cuts of prime rib getting stoned in the first place?”… (Steaks getting high, as usual) Now, I’ll leave you with some of my […]

X-Ray glasses! (This is prototype X-348297, Plasma series 20R) Just think what we can do with these babies! Now you can see if that co-worker of yours is cute underneath without playing strip Jenga, or having to sleeping with them. Drug dealer doctors won’t have those cumbersome “older” x-rays machines to wait on when removing […]