I neared the Jay Pritzker Pavilion in Chicago to thunderous cheers and applause as if a lion just mauled a Christian in the Coliseum. I rounded the corner and saw signs that read “Oprah, I’m the next Michael Phelps”, “Oprah is Osome”, and “We Love You Oprah”. When she walked on stage suburban married couples […]

No seriously… (Which one is choking dick for crack?) Remember that show? Goodtimes…gooooooooooooooooooooodtimes… Quote of the day “No disrespect. I love you. I want you to live to be 110, but things happen. What if, God forbid, you got a running mate, you became president-Alaska? Alaska? Alaska? Alaska? Come on, man. I don’t know if […]

Saw tropic Thunder last night… Did you even know they had pre-prepreviews? They’re the ones before previews where they sell you new TV shows, music, and other shit you don’t remotely need before they try to sell you other new films you must see, before the actual film you already paid for. They showed Kid […]

The 17-year-old daughter of Republican vp candidate Sarah Palin is pregnant! Let that sink in for a moment. Her name is Bristol, which sounds like expensive toffee, or a bottle of cheap pink champagne you drink on prom night to loosen up, and she “made the decision on her own to keep the baby”. Sure […]