They’d like their skinny piano key tie back… (I just puked looking at this) Guess What? Chicken butt! Turns out “Joe The Plumber”, Joe Sucks… (He looks like a racist UFC fighter) The “business” he “wants to buy” for $250,000 only nets $100,000. He’s a turd injecting his personal politics of fear into the election […]

(It looks like the set of Logan’s Run) Ass Gas (New definition of “bubble butt”) I was Trader Joe’s the other day and this lady in line clearly farted. Then she looked around. Then she smelt her evil ass goblin and made a face. We locked eyes and hers almost said, “Sorry buddy”. That was […]

Knowledge is power… (The viking ship adds a touch of “pillage”) Palin Perfect! “Our gal Friday” visited New Hampshire and decided to move them NORTHWEST! (Me look pretty, but me talkly stupidish) Click Me *Allow for spit take* Let me repeat that, she said, “I like being here, because it seems like, and in our […]

Joe the Plumber. Drink! (Joe’s the bald one on the right) For those that watched the debate last night, I expected a 30 Days Of Night moment where McCain grows fangs, lurches across the desk, bites Obama in the neck draining him of life, then rips off his suit, smearing blood on his chest while […]

Sure it tastes delicious, but it’s not so cool when they’re actually doing it… (“I’m a problem smoker”) Alright cigarette companies, you have no shame! You’ve already targeted teens, kids, even toddlers with their very popular “Baby Menthol 100’s” series…but in going for the elusive “crab market”, you’ve gone too far… Sick bastards! Why? They […]

This little gem was in a dusty box marked “Moms Underwear”… (King me fart face!) If you never played Atari games, don’t. Compared to today’s gaming systems, it’d feel like pushing a penny uphill with your nose… McFailin Obama opened up a 10 point lead in the polls, so at a Virgina rally yesterday John […]

It’s “The Poke”… (I got your seats right here) Al says please don’t do “The Poke” if she’s underage, that time of the month, or you’re a priest. Other unsuccessful albums included “The Joke”, “The Toke”, and “Fuck Racial Profiling”… Columbus Schmumbis It’s Columbus day, let’s have parades! I don’t get it. Sure you want […]

See, you’re not really lost until that exact moment you find out you are lost. Now you’re lost. Up to that point, you were just some turd in car going straight to the zoo… (Mushrooms, & acid have you asking the same ?) Besides, with GPS, On-Star, and voice computers…now if you get lost, you […]

You! I found your favorite album in my attic… (“He touched me”. Where?) This Shit Has Got To Stop! (So friendly!) Old man Simpson is off the reservation! Running a sleazy, shitty campaign is one thing. But aside from taking shots at Chicago constantly, MY city, OUR city, and the stupid Planetarium overhead projector in […]

We get so wrapped up here with sports, politics, pop-culture, and filmed bestiality between a teen-ager and a horse that we never talk about… (Don’t turn my Daffodils to the dark side) Lawn care! Finally something that will keep the “midichlorian” count way up in your yard. Holy shit, these were the plants we were […]