Professional Scientist people from Minnesota have concluded that babies are going back to their instinctual ways of hunting adults. Please be on the lookout, keep your head on a swivel, and stay away from woodland adult blinds…

(Jacob readies to pounce on an Ohio couple)

After being treated as weak and helpless for centuries, babies feel they have adults right where they want them. Unsuspecting and unprepared. When they strike they use razor like talons, and sharp teeth(if grown in yet) to attack the neck and face…

(This women never stood a chance)

You only have a second to react before it’s too late. Most baby attacks last 20 seconds or less, and you’re dead. You might be able to prevent an attack by wearing drab colors, don’t hum or sing, and grow facial hair(ladies we know this is hard). Babies hate it…

Things that might attract an attack are playing The Wiggles, wearing bright neon colors, clapping excitedly, and walking around with your nipples exposed…

If you want to defend yourself, use Tyco Baby Traps…

(It plays “Rock-A-Bye-Baby” before closing)

You’ve been warned, so be careful out there…

Death Row Inmate Plucks Out Own Eye…

Then EATS it! No shit. I wish I was making this up…

(File photo with “eye snack” still in)

Texas death row inmate Andre Thomas, who has a history of mental problems is being treated at a prison psychiatric unit after authorities said he pulled out his only good eye and ate it…

I’ve heard of crappy food in prison, but this is ridiculous…

History of mental problems? Really? Like when you pull your last functioning eye from your own head and fucking eat it? If there’s a “Most Insane Person On The Planet Award”, just give the blind kid his hardware…

The sad part is that he could have had some really cool nick-names with one eye like “One Eye”, “Snake Eye”, or “Cyclops”. Now he’s left with “No Eyes”, “Blindy”, and “That Fucking Crazy As Shit Dude Who Pulled Out His last Functioning Eyeball Then Ate It”. The last one is harder to get on stationary…

Caption This

With Bush leaving and Obama coming in, what’s Obama thinking…

(Oh, his ears were clogged)

Here are a few to help you get started…

-I can see light on the other side
-Is that a remote control chip in his neck?
-He has a tattoo that says, “I’m realy smrt”

Have a day!