I came home early and found my cat Jingles like this… (“Covr ur eyes from myz shame”) For true. People who own Wii’s have noticed the console moved or a window broken when they get back home and wondered what happened. It’s a serious epidemic sweeping across the nation called Feline Wii Addiction. Sadly, it […]

Roland Burris… (Somebody likey attention) And ex-Bear/Packer Henry Burris… (You can park a car in the gap) What do they have in common? One was a solid politician who only took a job from a 5th rate lying soon-to-be indicted governor because no one else would take it. The other was a solid QB from […]

Though your feet are swollen, reporters are a trollin’ for, Your-hide! I likey the man nuggets on Roland. He’s 71, knows this might be his last shot, is a qualified person, so he’s going to just show up for work. It’s wacky, bold, and in every 3rd act of Disney films. I like it… (She […]

Poor Roland Burris… (He takes a question from Dick Mell in a wig) Is he qualified? Yes… Is he squeaky clean? Yes Would he do a great job replacing Obama? Yes Did Rod-o tap him because his political career is having it’s throat slit & he’s a minority? Fuck YES… Rod’s acting like porn king […]

This book deals with kids accepting reality… (Polar bears hide inside ice, then jump out?) The kid in the story was named Matt. He’d also answer to “dumb-ass” and “Lunch”… Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A: A doctor. He’s obviously been in some kind of horrific thresher […]

Today is… (Did you find your contact?) Headaches! Number 2 is removing vomit from clothing… Wow, the day after New Years, “headaches” are #1. I’m shocked. That’s like being shocked that the Bears are out of the playoffs, cars need gas, and water is wet… Money Money Money In financial crisis we trust… (Instead it […]

Did you know that 09 in the Chinese calendar is the year of the Wiggum? (Pick a winner) It’s all about Ralph Wiggum baby, so enjoy doing silly stupid shit. It’s the law… Good to be back in Chicago, even though it’s 23 degrees. 23 degrees sounds like a shitty knock off band like 98 […]