“But if you call now, in the next 20 minutes, cause we can’t do this all day, I’ll pay $1,000 for sex, have the hooker bite my tongue, then beat the living fu%k out of her!” (Paper towels are no good for blood!) Guess he gave her the ol’ Chop Slap to the face… Police […]

Sort of… He actually didn’t apologize. His attorney Bob Gorsky did. He read this statement: “I wish to publicly and sincerely apologize to the Moats family, my colleagues, and to all those who have been rightfully angered by my actions” One problem ace. YOU DIDN’T! Your lawyer did for you. See, when you apologize, you […]

Willie Aames is having a garage sale cause he’s broke… You may remember him from super awesome roles like the neighbor Buddy on Charles In Charge, or in Eight Is Enough, or my favorite film ever, Zapped… (Sweater pops open, boobies, funny!) Hint: Willie’s the one in the middle… What does Willie look today so […]

(He looks racially motivated) You’re mother-in-law is dying in the hospital. You only have moments. You’re in your SUV, slap on the hazards, look both ways making sure no traffic is coming even being waved through by the only other motorist on the road. You pull into the emergency room parking lot… What happens next? […]

*John blushes* I know… Mines so tiny it’s an element on the periodic table. Ants use it to skip rope… NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell thinks we need more games. He wants to lengthen the regular season to either 17 or 18 games… (Mines this big. How about you?) Maybe I missed it, but when did […]

Prime time, taking questions, and shooting back “the look”… (“What chew talking about Willis?”) It went down like this… Q: “But on AIG, why did you wait — why did you wait days to come out and express that outrage? It seems like the action is coming out of New York and the attorney general’s […]

-Big Weiner’s In A Recession… -Lance Armstrong -Cervical Cancer… Coincidence? I think not… (WTF?) Oh yeah, I might have miss-read the 1st one… Sorry so short, shooting all this morning. See you tomorrow, and have a day!

I think we kinda saw that coming… (New genre, depressing graffiti) It’s about as shocking as finding out Stephen Spielberg’s son is a great director, OJ’s son killed a white women, or Robbie Knievel’s son jumps a huge shark tank wearing nothing but glow-in-the dark body paint… Nicholas Hughes, the son of tragedy-scarred poets Ted […]

Bad news… Good news is in today’s economy, we have a CEO delivering pizza’s… The bad news is it’s to you and it really sucks… Ken Karpman went from making $750,000 a year to $7.29 an hour, plus tips. (Move smooth ha haaa!) Good news; you got in an accident and your dick is bigger… […]

Who, after first denying it, admitted he agreed to a request by Treasury Department officials to dilute an executive bonus restriction in the big economic stimulus bill that Congress passed last month? (Prayers won’t help you now Captain Wenis) Chris Dodd Democrat from Connecticut… His change allowed AIG to hand out executive bonuses. He’s not […]