He can’t play blues guitar, shake hands after business meetings, or wipe his ass…

(Quit after 2 lessons, & 5 ruined guitars)

He’s a “regular” fella like you, just with adamantium claws. His “turn on’s” include techno music, collecting My Little Pony dolls, and being able to fart on command…

(Pfffffffftttttfffffffffrrrreehhhh)

Something he thinks he does really well is saving money on razors…

With Hugh Jackman’s prequel ” X-Men Origins: Wolverine” opening this past weekend, it “clawed” it’s way to the top of the box office with an $87 million. By “clawed”, I mean using only his fingernails, good looks, and hard work…

He didn’t use his actual claws, that’d be ridiculous…

He won mostly because there are no other fucking movies out now worth seeing…

Al Gore To Make Pants Suits Out Of Children’s Tears

Former Vice President Al Gore, in an effort to go green has decided to make a line of woman’s clothing solely by harnessing the awesome power of kids tears…

(He offers to “split the lip” of a child)

Most of the kids are expected to be white, but he’s open to any impudent kids tears…

(Cry out a good one Toby)

After Al shouts the magic incantation “Doth throc deleatos” from the necronomicon, the tears will assemble forming this stunning pink and brown number…

(Damn classy)

It’s rumored he’s coming out with men’s running shoes made from pigeon shit…

Have a day!