What’s 378 feet long, weighs 3,000 tons, and can have a helicopter can land on it?

The audtion line for The Biggest Loser…

(“Who ordered two of every menu item?”)

Too soon? I kid because I love you…all of you…

It’s actually the USS Freedom, a “Pirate Hunting super boat”. It’s nimble in the water, and is being haled as the Navy’s Corvette on the sea with combat capablities…

(A “drive by splashing”)

The great news is the Navy’s finally getting back their Watersking Pyramid Team…

(What, no skirts for the ladies?)

Pirates schmirates. Why don’t they attack at night?

Because they be to busy making their booty calls matey…

Neosporin And Duct Tape!

If you get any injury, even if it’s a scrape on your hand, a cut on your toe, or a severed arm hanging by a single tendon; use neosporin and duct tape…

It can fix anything…

(Try it & you’ll feel as right as rain)

An-knee-thing. Let’s say you get into a:

Car accident where you’re missing your face? Neosporin and duct tape…
Or the dreaded In-Laws are coming to visit? Neosporin and duct tape…
Or it burns when you pee form a possible Spring Break STD? Call your doctor…

+ = Great health

Try it, seriously, you’ll thank me. If that doesn’t work try Wal-sporin and lava…

RIP Dom DeLuise

Big, gassy, and super funny classy…

(Where’s the plastic fence Dom?)

Those are some big shoes to fill…literally, big, wide, shoes…

You’ll be missed…

Have a day!