What’s 378 feet long, weighs 3,000 tons, and can have a helicopter can land on it? The audtion line for The Biggest Loser… (“Who ordered two of every menu item?”) Too soon? I kid because I love you…all of you… It’s actually the USS Freedom, a “Pirate Hunting super boat”. It’s nimble in the water, […]

In 1912 the Hellmann’s Mayonnaise Company was shipping 12,000 jars from England to Vera Cruz, Mexico. On the first leg of the journey, it was cargo on the Titanic which sunk. This devastated Mexicans looking to zest up their rat sandwiches… (Sink sandwiches!) From them on it was known as Sinko De Mayo… Another little […]

He can’t play blues guitar, shake hands after business meetings, or wipe his ass… (Quit after 2 lessons, & 5 ruined guitars) He’s a “regular” fella like you, just with adamantium claws. His “turn on’s” include techno music, collecting My Little Pony dolls, and being able to fart on command… (Pfffffffftttttfffffffffrrrreehhhh) Something he thinks he […]

Believe it… (That band is off the wall) The Jackson’s never speak of the famed split with “another brother” who they don’t talk about. If that brother would’ve stuck around, they’d have been the Jackson 6… While in the garage practicing their moves, their other brother Reggie, who was between Jermaine and Marlon, would leave […]

The Chicago Bulls don’t like ambulance drivers to have a quiet night when they play. At any given point in the night you had over 1.4 million people in Chicago “coding”… (It feels like a semi’s parked on my chest) The Bulls won last night in triple overtime. Let that sink in. TRIPLE… (Get that […]