Happy 40th anniversary! We pitched in and got you a Slap Chop… (Bite your tongue Vince) Sure it’s a tad “kitchy” but times are tough. If you don’t like it, give it back. I’ll make some fresh cut fries that blow your freaking mind… Turns out “The Moon” isn’t good enough for the men who […]

Yep, there back baby for round two… How about for Cellophane White Bread? (Ehhhhhherrrrrraaaa) Surely the blood of innocent children spread on bread is an exciting thing. Yay! Baby razors, finally! (Classy) How many times did you think, “Shit, my baby needs a clean close shave, but what ever will I do?”. The answer, far […]

Chocolate in fire… (As opposed to the “fake” one?) Oh, and it was goooooooooooooooooooood… Listen for yourself Click Me When he wallowed “Get off my phone” I think he hit an octave that shattered his producers glasses. Dogs from three blocks away came running towards his studio. He might of even shart himself or at […]

“Sky Penis”… Nawwwwwwwww, they actually renamed it the Willis Tower since it’s owned by Willis Group Holdings. It’s a London based insurance brokerage firm now in Chicago… (Doh!) Suddenly it has a Different Strokesy sounding feel… Every time you say it, you get a mental image of Gary Coleman in your head followed by a […]

No, I’m not Mike Meyers in The Love Guru. In fact, no one wants to be… Seriously, even Mike Meyers doesn’t want to be Mike Meyers after that flick… (Midgets are high-larious) Shit, he’d settle for being Rob Schneider… Here are some sure fire tips to a lasting marriage: -Keep open alcohol in the house […]

No, not Sonia Sotomayor…Bernie Madoff & his 150 years war… (Are you Madoff money?) They moved him to a new federal prison called “Butner”… How fitting. I guess “Man Sex Prison” in North Dakota was already full… (It won’t cost you a thing) Here’s hoping turd sandwich goes to bed every night with the soothing […]

Alright “crazy ladies”, it’s time to take a serious deep breath, and knock this shit off… (I win a psycho stripper!) Steve McNair gets killed by a 20-something kook, now boxing legend Arturo Gatti at the hands of former stripper wife Amanda Rodrigues. How’d she kill him? (Ex-stripper, now killer!) Oh, by choking the life […]

The 80’s video arcade game called Q-Bert was named Cubes… (Money taking Cheese Ball) Get this, it was also briefly named Snots And Boogers, and @!#?@!?… Now you know, and like GI Joe always says, “Knowing is half the battle”… (Don’t forget your helmet, jerk) *Tussles a little kids hair* Here’s $2000 in cash, some […]

That’s the sound of the other shoe dropping on Sarah Palin… (*fart sound*) Turns out she’s only in it for the cheddar, duckets, benjamins, scratch, bank, cabbage, *insert some other really wacky silly ass term for money here* (No way, it that even possible?) Sarah’s that psycho gift that keeps on giving… She’s an Olive […]

What was the psychiatrist from The Sopranos doing fishing up in Alaska after resigning as governor? I don’t know, you tell me. Separated at birth?   (You betcha!) Yep. Look, the “piling on” with Palin is all self-inflicted. If she wanted to avoid the media, or walk away quietly, she could. She has no interest […]