It was over behind Mr. Jenkins shed… Everyone is talking about Wikileaks, but what are they? (Wikileaks president Dick Fartkiss) Sensitive information of more than a quarter-million diplomatic memos Were leaked by the online clearing house called Wikileaks Bravo. Transparency is good… Pulling your pants down exposing your penis, isn’t… (Wikileaks disclaimer) It’s akin to […]

You’re now on hour 17…and you were only slotted for “15 minutes” *Taps his watch looking at her with disgust* (Wait, I got more stupid shit to say) She doesn’t know it, but she’s now officially a media disease It’s called “Palin Attention Deficit Personality Disorder” That is when you say some really stupid shit, […]

It’s not a day of shopping anymore… (Sale sale sale) It’s a day where women beat the holy shit out of each other… For a pair of $7 sequence flip flops In search of the ultimate sales, bargains, and deals Even if that means elbowing an entire store, or ripping out an eye to do […]

Choking your brothers and sisters without spilling a drop… (Good advice) Screaming loud enough at each other but still keeping your voice… Saying the most awful things about each other, but still loving each other And finally Eating so much you now can’t go on the Harry Potter ride at Universal… Have a day!

Turkey pardoned… (Not that turkey) Gary “The Gobbler” Jenkins was pardoned after trying to knock off a bank Then when the judge realized his wife didn’t pick anything for dinner (That turkey) Changed his mind, reversed the pardon, then promptly eat him… I say give in this thanksgiving, and wear sweat pants to the table… […]

Then added, “Only if it’s to me”, and they’re “Hot” (“I do teenage make-over”) “Skanky fatties” need not apply. In similar news… Michael Jackson felt better about his “kidisms” by comparison from the grave Afterall, one was a creepy source of entertainment Who the world didn’t really know how to treat because of their bizarre […]

They blocked a bill that would extend benefits for the unemployed pasted the holiday season. The reason? Because “we need to pay for everything, not welfare whores” (Bravo Doctor Dickhole) Except of course for war, defense, wall street bailouts, and tax cuts for the top 3%… That “government entitlement welfare spending” is just dandy Because […]

By now you’ve heard Bristol Palin advanced on DWTW (Along with her vampire crotch) (Dancing With The attention Whores) And Brandy, who everyone says danced better, went home Was it a voting conspiracy? A fraud? Unfair? (I have no discernable talent) Who gives a flying hunk of shit… Watching reality TV is like getting skull […]

And I was sooooooo close at 62,976,436 (That’s right, I’m on your heels) Listed right between Urkel and a mailbox… (Yes you did, but wish you didn’t) It’s the 25th anniversary of People’s first sexiest man — Mel Gibson Meaning Anti-Semitic rants, and wife punching are just around the corner Ryan… Forget “Let It Be”, […]

It’s going down faster than Snooki’s “career” (Stupid computer says bad things) Meh, it’ll bounce back faster than yo-yo dieter It always does But in the meantime, why does this financial roller coaster (Holy fuck) Always have the fat kid who ate too much then pukes sitting in front of us? Palin Scores Big Ratings […]