Just think; you were cooler & less annoying than the Menard’s guy (Save $3 off paint!) Who looked like grandpa from 16 Candles (Dong, Grandpa is talking to you!) Now you’re carpeting heaven with shag wall-to-wall plush Throw up a black-light poster, a lava lamp, some Zepplin And it’s ON like a light switch… Have […]

My sarcasm meter just exploded… (Oh wait, it didn’t) Dr. Dickhole Donald decided decadently: “I feel I’ve accomplished something really really important and I’m honored by it” I can’t tell if he’s he talking about: (Bet you Tom Cruise answers) His comb-over look, shitty shows, or declaring corporate bankruptcy 4 times? Trump’s proud because Obama […]

I mean, Libya, Japan, or the budget are all stupid topics But a Pappa John’s Kate & William pizza? (I just puked in my mouth) Now that’s some awe-inspiring shit right there… Right up there with Justin Beiber farting the National Anthem And a “National Douche Bag Parade” Sportsgasim Tonight In Chicago! Blackhawks looking to […]

There, you done been told now, so git! Hopefully anyone over 60 told you, but “the gay” can “infect you” (Whoops) If you touch someone gay, or breath it in, you get it It’s an actual periodic element with a symbol of GY* 3 electrons of “fabulous”, and 2 protons of “sassy” (It’s Gay Gayerson) […]

Tick tock, tick tock On my current “Countdown To Oprah World Domination” clock (My world bitches!) it reads 1 year 3 days left… But according to my “Total Control Of The Universe” clock It’s showing 3 years, 4 months, and 3 days (*insert maniacal laugh here) If she goes lesbo, it drops by a year; […]

Or my newly busted chair is getting weaker… (I’m going with…) Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid poorly made Office Max chair That’s my story and I’m sticking with it Obama “Gets Snippy” Story A Joke Of Epic Proportions Texas local news guys Brad Watson doesn’t like Obama (I don’t like you) Watch this interview between […]

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is anything but rational… (The Crypt Keeper & I are friends) But imagine my surprise when she vetoed the Tea Tards “Birther Bill” Their bill required candidates provide a birth certificate & their legal status Just to be placed on the ballot “This is a bridge too far…I do not support […]

Turns out the GOP’s new election theory in 2012 is: “Hey, stupid older low information racists vote too!” Ol’ “Suit case handles” hair is losing one IQ point at a time… Now he’s courting the “Birthers” Who are society’s way of voting you off Darwin’s island What else do you expect from a guy who’s […]

I’m sure I’ve never seen Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour And Foghorn Leghorn in the same room at the same time. Just sayin’… I say, I say…you use those thangs in your noodle to decide son… Turns out he is also wrong about Medicaid enrollment facts As a potential 2012 Republican presidential candidate (I don’t like […]

On only one count of “Obstruction Of Justice”? (Needs to be bigger) What were the jurors watching, “Eat, Pray, Love”? Good, it’s the only 12 people who actually did Finding out he’s guilty Is about as shocking as finding out forks & light sockets don’t go “together” His head was so big it took children […]