Face it, the jokes will still write themselves (Where in the world do I sit?) Sure it gets old, low hanging fruit, but shit balls; they’ll still work… Jump in your Douchness, the water’s great lil’ magic mouth farter! She’s on a “tour” to I guess promote herself. After all, she doesn’t do it enough […]

In a bold move for silverware everywhere, the forks & knives decided… (Guess he swallowed 100 magnets) To attack Ivan’s food in his stomach, from the outside The bulls choked their final game harder than a teenage boy does his “junk” Rock your day, see you on Tuesday Have a weekend!

How does one act “shocked” (“I’m shocked I planned this”) At something you produced, worked on & planned? For serious Remember, as she thoughtfully said, “This isn’t goodbye”… (pick who has worse hair) Because she wants you still as fans to watch her new fucking NETWORK She’s leaving Chicago for LA. Meh, she wishes to […]

I’ve decided that a “fist bump” or “dap” means you’re team mates (We’re team mates bitch) But a chest bump implies you all shower naked together (We all shower together) Just sayin’… It’s Funny But everyone knew what Willis was “Talkin’ bout” (Really? For serious?) I can’t believe young Arnold was really that stupid Perhaps […]

*Shakes head sadly back and forth* (Happy Raptureday) It’s a shame that stupidity can’t be converted into a usable energy source We could run on these fidiots for centuries Turns out, whack job Harold Camping wasn’t even wrong, according to him (I was rightly wrong) He was actually off by five months. He NOW says […]

A flying elbow from above (Ohhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhh!) Suck it Jesus… Side Note: Jesus actually went on to win the match But it lasted 17 hours, he was tired, and decided to “bail” on the rapture Another “Tell All” Book? You ever notice “Tell All” books have 5 others like em so they didn’t? (Hum, in […]

Isn’t a valid excuse for defaulting on loans or destroying your credit (Payment’s still due on Monday) Trust me, I already tried in 1994 1st Newt, Now Santorum It’s sad and hilarious all at the same time Today’s modern Republican party is now an insane-o super right wing Borg (Not Baby Bjorn, it’s Baby Borg) […]

Let’s say you were poor, so you were on food stamps. Check Now let’s say you win 2 million in the lottery. Checkity check (Hint: Leroy is in the middle) Then let’s say, you still can use food stamps *Obligatory Disney record scratch* Wait, what what with the what what? Leroy Fick, 59, of Auburn […]

The “Donald” fired himself from a presidential bid. He said: (“Sit on my finger”) “Business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector” Yes, by “business” you mean making sure Meat Loaf and Busey don’t rob a bank But he did make jokes happen so often is was like […]

Well, Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a member of his household staff (Holy fuck balls!) And it happened a decade ago (Irony) So “I’ll be back” is now “I’ll be paying for that”… *John talks behind the back of his hand* Guess we all know why Shriver took off now He said, “While I deserve […]