Paging Captain Douchebag. Captain Douchebag please pick up

We have all heard by now that Costa Concordia crashed badly

(Whoopsie)

Many were injured. The death toll is 11, with 22 still missing

That’s very sad, and as we’re finding out could’ve been avoided

(Nice bracelets)

We have also heard it was the Captain’s fault, AND he took off

But now comes the best part. The BS lies of WHY he took off

(Bad driver)

Let’s see what 52 year-old Francesco Schettino is saying today:

-“I didn’t have a lifejacket…I gave it to one of the passengers”
-“All of the sudden…I got trapped & ended up in one of the lifeboats”
-The coast guard even demanded he get back on board “damn it!”

Holy shit, the hits just keep on coming. This is just comedy gold

I took the liberty of making up some other one’s if he runs out:

-“It wasn’t my fault, the steering wheel did it”
-“I’m mostly blind”
-“In all fairness, I’m very cowardly & a gutless pussy”
-“Obama did it!”
-“The land jumped right out in front of the boat”
-“I’m not even Captain. The seat was open, so I sat in it”
-“I passed out after saving those kittens. What happened?”
-“Sorry, I was playing Angry Birds”

The best part of this story is the coast guard Gregorio De Falco

He basically said to the puss boy, “Get back on board you prick”

(“Get back on-board prick!”)

In the world, people running our governments are like Schettino

What we need to have is more people like De Falco running it…

Have a day!