To hear yourself say out loud to an angry cop:

(Hey now!)

“First off, I need some clothes. Second, is

that my car parked in that Hugo billboard?”

(Whoops)

Not a good start to a conversation, ever

What Are You Doing This Saturday?

Watching college football, shopping, or doin’ it…twice?

Well Herman Cain has something he wants to tell you

(Well shit)

That he’s ending his presidential bid. We knew weeks ago

Guess he’s the last to know it, & I’ll be totally heartbroken

(Dang it)

Why? Because that funny fucker wrote my material daily

I got some good news, & some bad news. Bad stuff 1st

(I make bad news taste better)

Bad news, we won’t have “Black Walnut” to kick around

Good news: the other nuts are still there for the crackin’ up

Have a weekend!